Netflix Binge-Watching Disorder Hits Jericho
A Satirical Article By ALEX MARSHALL, NINA GLODSTEIN, and JULIE MAY
Jericho High School students and faculty have recently been diagnosed with a serious disorder known as NBWD: Netflix Binge-Watching Disorder. This disorder has been causing student grades to suffer because their mothers are excusing them from gym class to go home and binge-watch on Netflix. With the Internet everywhere, Netflix is now available on most electronic devices, and with thousands of shows and movies to choose from, NBWD is spreading rapidly.
Students and faculty are watching hours of their favorite TV shows, and only stop when it’s time to eat or to sleep. As a result, teachers are failing to prepare their lessons or grade papers. This is less of a problem than it might be since only ten percent of students still hand in assignments.
“I thought that when I subscribed for a Netflix account my life would change for the better, but when I realized that I had spent my entire Saturday watching season 6 of ‘One Tree Hill,’ I knew something was wrong,” said senior Sophie Steinberg. She continued by admitting, “When given the choice to go out with my friends or stay home and have a one-on-one date with Lucas and Nathan Scott, the choice is clear.”
The disorder has students referring to their teachers as popular television characters. JHS Chemistry and Forensics teacher Mr. Caber said, “I had a student come into class and call me Mr. White. I teach the kids about drugs, not how to make them.”
One 2014 study on NBWD showed that there are physical and mental effects of the disorder, including choosing to stay home instead of being with friends, viewing an entire season of a show in one sitting, accepting Netflix’s offer to watch the next episode immediately, and dying to know what happens next. Students who suffer from Netflix withdrawal have been sent to see Dr. Artiles, an expert in high school student disorders. Artiles said, “NBWD is worse than senioritis, an incurable sickness that has plagued senior classes for decades.” Over half of JHS students have been sent home after seeing the doctor, who recommends that his patients stay on bed rest until they finish a full season of a show.
If you or a loved one are caught up in the net, don’t hesitate to get help. Please call 1-555-638-3549 or 1-555-NET-FLIX.