One Tree Hilaria Epidemic

A Satirical Article By NIKKI DUKOFF and EVAN SILVERA

JerUh-Oh

Cast of One Tree Hill

Although the television series concluded in 2012, One Tree Hill is suddenly a must-see amongst teenagers.

In the middle of the 2013-2014 school year, an epidemic spread throughout Jericho High School: One Tree Hilaria, an extreme fascination female high school students have with One Tree Hill. This epidemic is frightening both teachers and parents who view those affected by the plague as “overwhelmingly emotional” and in “seriously damaged psychological states of mind.” Multiple cases of teenage girls waking up at approximately 3:23 in the morning screaming, “Always and forever!”, a commonly used phrase in the show, have been reported.

The Jericho High School administration received other alarming reports stating that multiple students are filing for emancipated minor status and aiming to get married at the age of 17. In addition, students have come together to form Jericho’s latest club: One Tree Hill Awareness. The president of the organization, Lauren Dolowich, shared with us that the club is starting a program in which its members send covers of themselves singing Gavin Degraw’s “I Don’t Want to Be” with hopes that the artist will recognize their massive admiration for him. Club member Sammi Stein agrees that One Tree Hill has changed students’ lives in a way that no other show can parallel.

Hair stylist Katie Ryan from Ambiance Salon reported that many girls have been coming into the salon requesting to get perms in order to mimic Peyton Sawyer’s hairstyle. Similarly, recent reports from a local tattoo parlor have also stated that girls are walking through their doors requesting a tattoo of the quote, “It’s the oldest story in the world. One day you’re 17 and planning for someday. And then quietly and without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And that someday is yesterday. And this is your life.”

Lauren Dolowich (left) and Sammi Stein are members of the OTH Awareness club

Lauren Dolowich, left, and Sammi Stein  are both members of the One Tree Hill Awareness club.

Furthermore, Bloomingdale’s has been flooded with JHS students searching for Brooke Davis’ fashion line, Clothes Over Bros. Consequently, several dozen employees have been rushed to the hospital for denying that Clothes Over Bros is legitimate.

All of the female students of JHS have been moping around the halls in a depressed stupor after having finished the series. Parents have spoken to the administration about banning students from watching One Tree Hill so that students will be able to focus on their academics. Parents have also been thinking about suing Netflix for their children’s irrational behavior.

If you notice your loved ones coming down with the highly contagious One Tree Hilaria, please report it to a doctor immediately.

18 Comments on this post.

Leave a Reply

  • Deborah Gabay
    1 April 2014 at 2:20 pm - Reply

    This article was really funny. I’ve never seen One Tree Hill before, but now I am thinking of watching it after reading this.

  • Allie Kubashky
    1 April 2014 at 2:15 pm - Reply

    Very funny yay for One Tree Hill

  • Lara
    1 April 2014 at 2:14 pm - Reply

    This article is very funny and I really understand the references to the show.

  • Sam
    1 April 2014 at 1:06 pm - Reply

    What an brilliant title! Loved the article!

  • Sydney Bass
    1 April 2014 at 12:59 pm - Reply

    This article is hilarious! I definitely can relate and am a one tree hill lover myself so really appreciate it!

  • Alanna and Rachel
    1 April 2014 at 12:51 pm - Reply

    So funny how it’s a sickness

  • Mikaela Adwar
    1 April 2014 at 12:51 pm - Reply

    I loved how you incorporated so many elements of the show into your satirical article. Awesome job!

  • Chloe Citron
    1 April 2014 at 12:49 pm - Reply

    The creation of a club should be a real thing. I think people can relate to this because so many people watch this show.

  • Morgan Hamerman
    1 April 2014 at 12:47 pm - Reply

    Very relevant considering how many people have been watching!! The fan club is hilarious.

  • Sydney Lustberg
    1 April 2014 at 11:38 am - Reply

    This is very funny considering the references and obsessions are all very real!

  • Alex Scottland
    1 April 2014 at 11:35 am - Reply

    great article!

  • Sharon
    1 April 2014 at 11:31 am - Reply

    Great job! Your article is really funny and is really relevant to the spontaneous One Tree Hill craze.

  • Britney Spears
    1 April 2014 at 11:29 am - Reply

    As a OTH lover I really appreciated this article. Too funny!!

  • Rachel Gersten
    1 April 2014 at 11:28 am - Reply

    Although I’ve never watched this show, the piece was very well done and relatable due to my obsession with many other shows.

  • Alex Lashley and Kaitlyn Hildenbrand
    1 April 2014 at 11:18 am - Reply

    The references were so accurate! So funny, great job.

  • Nikki Freedman and Jessie Fuchs
    1 April 2014 at 10:55 am - Reply

    We liked the creative name of the epidemic, One Tree Hilaria.

  • Scott Pergament
    1 April 2014 at 10:45 am - Reply

    Great job. You article was well written.

  • Julie May
    1 April 2014 at 10:37 am - Reply

    The references to the show were so funny!!

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