The Ultimate Black Friday Profile

By AMELIA BAUMANN

Black Friday is synonymous with images of insane, sales-obsessed shoppers doing whatever it takes for discounts. However, these overly excited customers are not the only characters you will find on Black Friday. Here are descriptions of some of the other shoppers you’re bound to find on Black Friday:

The Black Friday Extraordinaire (AKA The Soldier of Sales, The Customer Combatant, The Full Priced Fighter – you get the idea)

  • The Black Friday Extraordinaire is not to be provoked. This shopper will stop at nothing to save even a few dollars. If you find yourself in an altercation with a Black Friday Extraordinaire, you have one option: run away and cry. I’m telling you–don’t stick around. This shopper will go to the glass-shattering, bone-breaking, 911-calling extreme. Run!

 

The Undecided Shopper_MG_7886

  • The Undecided Shopper cannot find a single item she desires in the six hours spent scouring the stores. After searching the entire mall, this patron ultimately leaves with nothing to show for her Black Friday efforts (besides the cinnamon sugar pretzel she bought on her way out).

 

The Overly Cautious Shopper

  • The Overly Cautious Shopper has heard every story concerning Black Friday. The tales of fistfights for marked down televisions and brawls over discounted winter boots have fully prepared her, and now she is in full shopper safety mode. This customer would be much more content shopping from the screen of her laptop. Cyber Monday, anyone?

The Oblivious Shopper

  • The Oblivious Shopper is just that: unconcerned, uninformed, and unaware that it is, in fact, Black Friday. When he enters the store to purchase a pair of size six, slightly ripped, dark wash skinny jeans, he is caught off guard. The Oblivious Shopper is surprised, no, shocked, by the swarming crowds of customers battling for the best deals. (Insert frowny face representing my sympathy for The Oblivious Shopper).

 

The First Time ShopperThumbnail

  • The First Time Shopper is new to the game. He did not prep or plan for his Black Friday extravaganza. Now waiting on line alongside a queue of sales-crazed shoppers, he wishes he had looked up what time the store had opened. Not to worry: he soon forgets his remorse as he finds himself floating in a sea of insane customers. Just keep swimming, First Time Shopper!

 

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2 Comments on this post.

Leave a Reply

  • Bela Kirpalani
    14 May 2015 at 11:39 am - Reply

    This is the coolest article I’ve ever read!

  • Ms. Han
    18 December 2014 at 3:37 pm - Reply

    This article is so funny! The writer has such a fun and witty voice. The “Oblivious Shopper” description, especially, had me giggling.

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