A Rocking Rodeo Spring Break

A Satirical Report

By AMANDA DAMON, MADELINE KAUFMAN, and CARLY LAPIDUS

After an intense dance battle during Battle of the Classes 2015, Administration expressed concern that the seniors were not spirited enough and needed to start having some more bonding experiences. For the first time ever, Jericho High School seniors decided to forgo their quiet and laid-back spring break vacations for a rocking week on a dude ranch in Montana. When Administration announced that this would be the 2015 school sponsored spring break trip, students screamed with joy, “Can’t wait, dude!”

The trip has already proven to be successful: all 295 seniors signed up. In the weeks leading up to the trip, students eagerly anticipated the outing to Montana and didn’t understand why they ever thought a trip anywhere else could be more fun. In preparation for the trip, students are busy shopping for hiking boots, mosquito nets, bug spray, sleeping bags, and heavy-duty backpacks. The Dude Ranch Diet is also in full swing, with seniors frantically shopping for canned foods, non-perishable items, and of course, lots of marshmallows and chocolate.

Details of the trip were announced recently. Every morning, students will be awakened by the beautiful sounds of chirping birds and a trumpeting bugle wake up call at 6:59 a.m. Students’ daily activities will include making homemade apple cider and gliding down the Yellowstone River on a “Snooze Cruise,” a relaxing canoe ride and white water rafting extravaganza. At sunset, with the night still young, students will dine in the communal cafeteria, and then head to the outhouse to take a shower and use the facilities, because don’t forget there is no electricity or running water in the cabins. To end the night, all the seniors will gather around the campfire to make s’mores, play Charades, sing campfire songs, and of course tell scary stories! The students will share horrific tales of accidentally posting bad selfies on Instagram and spilling their Starbucks coffee on their Balenciaga bags. But at 8:31 p.m., Jericho seniors will call it quits and hit the hay.

Many outdoors-loving teachers were more than pleased to volunteer to supervise the trip, such as Mr. Strout, Ms. Bhasin and, of course, Ms. Kahan. The faculty hope that the seniors will realize how much they love Jericho and will never want to leave again, except of course if it is to go back to their favorite dude ranch in Montana.

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