Kanye and Coval Release New Album
A Satirical Report
By NICK ALBICOCCO
Last week, security cameras captured evidence of Kanye West and his entourage meeting with Mr. Coval confirming that he will be featured on Kanye’s upcoming album. This is not the first Kanye at Jericho rumor. In early February, an anonymous student claimed to have seen Mr. West under the bleachers at Battle of the Classes, but this could not be confirmed.
Coval’s students claim he has been making odd references to Kanye songs in class. Multiple Global Studies students reported that Mr. Coval has repeatedly said odd phrases like “I’m a monster” and “I’m stronger than ever.” When asked why he didn’t post a study guide on Edline, Mr. Coval said he tried, but was unable to because his friend’s wife had “broken the internet.” Each day, his classes got more and more Kanye-oriented. His AP Euro students were no longer learning about places in Europe, instead Mr. Coval’s lessons focused strictly on places in the WESTern Hemisphere like Chicago (where Kanye West grew up) and Los Angeles (Kanye West’s current residence). When discussing King George during a lesson about the American Revolution, Coval said, “No one man should have all that power.”
Mr. Coval was seen giving Kanye West concert tickets to the lunch ladies in exchange for all the french fries, churros, and funnel cakes that can’t be sold to students.
A custodian found Mr. Coval and Kanye West in the basement recording in a makeshift studio. The JerUh-Oh found the playlist for the Kanye/Coval album. Songs include: “Bored of Education,” “Jericho University,” “Mao Zedong,” “Freshmen Bother Me,” “Do Your Homework,” “Ghandi G,” and “Global Negative One.”
The album is scheduled to be released in June.