A Satirical Report By BILL LIU
Jericho High School began operating its new COVID-19 vaccine delivery service, Vaxxpress. This service is modeled after popular food trucks students usually enjoy during the Homecoming Dance.
Ever since the county’s vaccine supply dramatically skyrocketed, herds of teachers, faculty members and other students were stampeding towards the Vaxxpress truck to get their doses as quickly as possible.
Vaxxpress was founded by two of the school’s biology alumni, Tanu-Kee Soot and Chris P. Crisp. Ever since the pandemic began, both students have done extensive research in COVID-19 vaccine development and deployment.
“Our goal is to make the vaccines accessible and enjoyable to all, just like when you are ordering your favorite meal. There are no appointments, no reservations, and of course, no limits,” said Soot.
“It’s like an all-you-can-eat buffet,” added Crisp. The truck was carrying vaccines from all different companies, including the ones made by Pfizer, Moderna, Johnson & Johnson, and many others.
Soot would call these “different flavors” of vaccines. “Well, if there’s enough supply, you can choose any flavor you want, just like ice cream. And to bundle it all up, each dose will come with a mini-meal of your choice,” added Crisp.
Within the first days, the company managed to deliver over 1,000 shots per day at the school, and the number of COVID-19 cases in Jericho High School dropped quickly. Vaxxpress soon expanded its delivery services to rock concerts, sporting events, and other large gatherings, and lengthened its operation hours. Every midnight, hundreds of teens clad in their comfy pajamas and nightgowns roll out of their beds and run straight for their quick doses at the trucks.