A Satirical Article By SUMAYYAH SIDDIQUI and BHAVANA RAGIPANI
JerUh-Oh
Imagine a world where teachers, principals, parents, and administrators can easily track and find students. Now, imagine that world is ours. The “Find My Student” app, invented three weeks ago, can do just this—it makes finding students convenient and easy.
This app was created by Kyle Brode, gym teacher and student tracker extraordinaire. The app hunts down students by using a tracking device located on the barcode of the student IDs. Brode said, “Instead of wasting my free time roaming the halls, I can spend more time hitting the gym. The app is a necessary precaution to make sure that no one is trying to run away from gym.” Although this practice is relatively new, it is very effective in reducing the number of student cuts.
Another benefactor of this novel app is Mr. Levine, who is in charge of cut slips and attendance. Mr. Levine said that thanks to the invention of this app, “he no longer receives an influx of daily cut slips.”
There are rumors circulating among the administration that in two or three days, there will be an extraction team established consisting of Mr. Levine and Mr. Brode who will be in charge of finding students in their hiding places, reprimanding them, and sending them back to class. We can expect to see extensive use of “Find My Student” by every teacher, resulting in a decline in student cuts.
When questioned about her opinion on the app, senior Taylor Kay stated, “My rights are being violated! I’m being stalked by my teachers! I’m going to call my lawyers and get them to use that DASA thing.”
“Find My Student” is available for purchase on the app store for $5.99.
I could have used this app when I taught spring semester seniors back in the day. Very clever!
I liked it. The names chosen for the main characters were creative
We’d leave our ID’s at home if this app existed! Too funny!
This article is very well written, and I like how you added the comment about the cut slips.
This is so funny, but I would feel a little weird if this app existed.
This is funny! I think I know exactly which teacher you’re talking about haha! A really good satirical piece
I really like your idea! It s really unique and funny too! Your image for the app looks real too.
Very funny, I hope this app never actually gets made. I laughed at the quote from the gym teacher
HAHA!! This article is really clever
I’m pretty sure every student will be afraid to cut if this was real!
great concept. very funny
Funny!!!! This app would catch all the kids who cut class for sure
Very funny article, love how they are “running away from gym”
The pictures you created added to the article really well. It made it funnier.
This is a great article. Very funny!
This is perfect. No more cutting for students.
This is a very cute article! I think the app thing is a funny idea. I always see teachers trying to find their kids in the cafeteria or the halls.
Great job! Your idea is very creative and funny!
The concept of this article is very funny.
Very creative idea! Loved the part about DASA. Very funny.
This would be useful for someone like Mr. Levins
Very funny, I would hate for this app to exist! HAHAHAHA